At times, it proves simpler to criticize our imperfections and fixate on our lack of worthiness, for it feels unbearable to accept that we deserve something we have never obtained. If we truly merit love and a sense of belonging, it implies that an overwhelming number of individuals have failed to recognize it, either due to irrationality or their own limitations.
It seems more convenient to believe that we are on the verge of achieving worthiness, but not quite there yet. We convince ourselves that love and belonging are within our grasp if we only refine ourselves, as the sorrow that accompanies self-assurance is devastating. If we are already valid and deserving of connection and relationships, why is it that we lack them? Is the rest of the world simply filled with selfish individuals, or do we not fit well into our environment or culture? Perhaps it is like searching for a needle in a haystack to find someone nearby who can make us feel valued and appreciated for who we are, without the need for constant performance, perfection, impressiveness, or achievement.
Thus, we resort to problem-solving: Are we not being vulnerable enough? Are we too open with the wrong people? Are we too fearful or excessively enthusiastic? Are we too much or too little? Are we prejudiced or lacking discernment? Are our expectations too high, or are we failing to communicate clearly? Do we become too attached too quickly because our standards are too low? Maybe if we were more intriguing, charismatic, enigmatic, or wise. Perhaps we should be more aloof and allow others to pursue us. Maybe we lack power, attractiveness, or influence. Maybe we should lose weight, change our fashion, or discover the magical fountain of youth that makeup artists draw from.
But if we are already deserving, just as we are, then there is no hope for us. There is nothing left to obsess over, adjust, or practice until we become lovable. We must simply embrace our authentic selves and face rejection repeatedly until we encounter those who appreciate us and can contribute to our personal growth, both in togetherness and separation. Moreover, we must forgive those who could not fulfill that role for us, regardless of their reasons.
To fully embrace our inherent worth and capacity to be loved, we must learn the art of grieving.
The act of grieving can be a pathway to embracing our inherent worth and capacity to be loved. It is a process that sometimes feels daunting but is essential for our growth and self-acceptance.
Grieving allows us to confront and release the emotions tied to our longing for love and belonging. It is an acknowledgment of the disappointments we have experienced in our pursuit of connection and the pain of feeling undervalued or unseen. Through this process, we come to terms with the fact that not everyone we encounter will recognize our worth or be capable of reciprocating our love.
By allowing ourselves to grieve, we create space for healing and transformation. We learn to let go of unrealistic expectations and the need for external validation. It is through this emotional journey that we discover our authentic selves and cultivate a deeper understanding of what we truly deserve.
Grieving also entails forgiveness, both for ourselves and others. We release the resentment we may hold towards those who could not fulfill our longing for love and acceptance. We recognize that their inability to see our worth is not a reflection of our value but rather a limitation on their part.
As we navigate the grieving process, we develop resilience and strength. We learn to rely on ourselves for validation and find solace in our own self-acceptance. With time, we attract the people who genuinely appreciate and value us for who we are, contributing to our personal growth and well-being.
In conclusion, embracing our inherent worth and lovability requires us to embark on the journey of grieving. It is through this process that we shed the burdens of self-doubt and recognize that our value is not dependent on external factors. By allowing ourselves to grieve, we open ourselves up to a deeper sense of self-acceptance and attract the connections that align with our authentic selves.
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